when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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