if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
