Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
3 2 1 whiskey
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
