just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
