The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
