So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
