Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
