There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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