She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
