What a fucking waste of an outfit
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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