is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
