i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this boner is exhausting
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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