(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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