when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize