Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
