You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
