yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
