Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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