His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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