Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
