If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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