Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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