I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
