I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
