Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize