if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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