she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
