Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
