She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
