i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
