We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
