you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
