please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
