he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
