Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
