I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
