i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
