i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I looked at my own cervix.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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