Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
