"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
