It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
