You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
