The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize