dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize