YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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