i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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