I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
