idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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