Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need help removing her.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
