whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
