Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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