I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
false alarm. still invincible.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
