Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
