dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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