I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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