You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
