This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
