I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
