He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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