there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
