Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
