my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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