I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do vagina's smell?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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