there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
