wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
