i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
