Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
