i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
