I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
