Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
