he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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