meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize