Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
