woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
