one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
