New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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