had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
