how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize