he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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