I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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