i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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