haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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