I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
