youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
