my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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