He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
