my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
