i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
