He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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