I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
