Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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