I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
