im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize