he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
