I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
