I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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