Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
