so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had to cum in my sink.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
