This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
