best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
